Meltdown

I really hate it when I have these meltdowns. First and foremost it is NOT good health wise for my immune system. Secondly, knowing things could be extremely worse than they are, makes me feel quite silly for having these thoughts. I do know what contributes to them, though. Got out a few times in the last two weeks in a social setting, the old ex S.O. called last Friday night, and I still get emails of the dutch oven schedule Pioneers of the Gulf Coast are doing. You know, real life stuff, not this prisoner crap being stuck here. Mom's attitude about my sister is "that's just the way it is." What is unsaid is not printable on my part. Her (Mom's) lack of understanding just how hard this is for me also contributes to the problem. There are times when I feel really sorry for her and then, the times I don't. She made her choices and lived her life. Never had to do what I do for her for anyone else but Dad. (and that did not include emptying a pot every morning) And she signed up for that with the "I do".

The meltdown really consists of the overwhelming feeling of never getting out of here and having some years of a good life left.

OK, vented enough. The sole member of a Chain Gang signing off.