Thoughts on a Snowy Day

Today, like several other days, I have been thinking about the relationship I have with Mom. As in most relationships, at least between people, not pets, there is the love/hate side. Why is it so hard to be in the same house? And is it the old story, two women can’t get along in the same house? Or is it the residue from the past, when I was aching to get away from parents and Nebraska, that colors todays perceptions?

I try to put myself in her shoes, but just don’t succeed in getting anywhere with that line of thought. She has been a widow for a little over a year. I went through that when I was 21. Had two boys and pregnant with a third when my husband died. I thought I would too, at the time, but I did not.

I do know it is easier to love some people from a distance. When I was first married, remember thinking the fact we were 600+ miles from both sets of parents was a good thing. And it really was.

If I survive this portion of my journey, will I regret feeling this way? But your feelings just “are” what they are. Rather like life, it isn’t good or bad, it just “is”. We add the descriptive phrases, and then we believe what the tape in our mind plays back.

Accepting myself, warts and all, accepting Mom and everyone else as they are, is the path to shoot for, but, doggone it folks, it ain’t easy!