Set Back the Clocks

That time of year again. Did the clocks last night after coming back from listening to a little music.

Received an email yesterday from someone who is with the scooter group. Said they had talked to s.o. and he told them we were not seeing each other any more. Still hurts. I need a sign that coming here was a "good" thing and it's not happening.

Was invited to go to my nephews for ribs this evening. Now, if I can just persuade Mom to get out of the house and go. If see doesn't, I will go anyway. Wow, that will be 3 days in a row to get out. A record for the last 6 months.

My page count is up to 17.

Another Week Slides By

Made a trip to Lincoln late yesterday afternoon. Of course Mom wanted me to give her a time I would be back. Couldn't and wouldn't, even if I knew as I did not want to be "on the clock with a curfew" so to speak. Did not know just what I was going to do.

Picked up a double pack of ink cartridges for the HP at Office Max. All the dutch oven recipes I've printed the last few months sure took their toil. Did find coffee beans but no expresso. Just finished the first cuppa and it does have a little extra kick.

Went to Culvers to look at the classic autos (one was going on in Corpus Christi and I use to go all the time with s.o.) and get a bite to eat. They gather there every Friday night if the weather is good and it was the last warm day, probably for the season. I wore my shirt with a Classic Riders logo and a large 55 Ford Crown Victoria on the back with Rockport, Texas. Do you think one, I repeat one, person would even ask about the group I belonged to? I did ask if they quit after last night due to weather and was told some would show up anytime it was nice. (so they can talk) In July they get about 200 cars and trucks. Last night there were about 20+. I grabbed a small Butter Burger and Malt, left after about an hour and a half. Stopped then and got a hair cut (that always makes one feel better as long as it is not butchered and mine wasn't) and drove the 40 miles back to Mom's.

Maybe tonight will go listen to a rock and roll band (classics) for a while.

Did get a little writing done yesterday plus a little more research.

Obstacles

Little buggers just keep popping up. My computer does strange things, like, the keyboard quits responding. So now I try to save after just a few sentences. I need to install a new battery but am too chicken. There are no Macintosh centers that I have found. Guess I better go find the screwdrivers..

Still warm and damp here but that is due to quit shortly. In the ten day forecast I saw 20's for lows bandied about for next Thurs/Fri.

Let see, I only got a couple of pages done yesterday, but did some research so felt pretty good about that. I find myself rereading and starting to edit and think that is not the "right" way but wonder if there is a right or wrong way to do this. My new thoughts about being here is I will probably never have another opportunity to have the time to write as I do now. Sure am stretching to find that silver lining!

Coffee was better today but think I will pick up some expresso beans to mix in next. Really need a good kick after the time change!

Hmmmm

I wasn't finished with the blog below and it just went and published. Ghosts and gobblins workin' early. Better not take my fingers from the keyboard.

Anyway, I did get another 3 or 4 pages finsihed yesterday.

Today is damp and cool. Missed the eclipse due to overcast. Pictures a friend emailed looked so neat.

I have decided if weather permits, will make a trip south (read that Texas) right after T-Day. Have an invitation to cook the weekend before out in west Texas and I would like to do that but feel almost obligated to cook for Mom. We'll see. Anyway, will include my friends place on the way down when she starts her new job. At least something to look forward to.
I always tried to impart to my offspring to enjoy today and not hang on to something in the future. In my present situation, I am eating those words..pass the salt, please.

It Came True

My friends job came through! She starts her new one the end of November. I am so happy for her. Wow!! Must keep on (or start, in my case) believing the good stuff can happen!

Up Too Late

It appeared I was on a roll yesterday and really stayed up too late. Am paying for it this morning. Still a touch of being off balance. It should work out if I don't give in to it.

I did achieve getting 4+ pages written yesterday. Will try for at least that many today.

Messed up the coffee, not near strong enough. Thought I would cut back to just barely two cups (cups are really mugs, so not as bad as it sounds). Need to pay closer attention tonight when setting the pot up.

Really foggy this morning. In fact, it started last night. Guess we won't be getting much of a view of the eclipse this evening unless there is a temperature change or a good wind in the offing.

Had some really fine news from a friend. It seems her dream is coming to fruition about a year ahead of schedule. A job offer in the area (where she and s.o. have been remodeling a house) she wants. A relationship with a much younger man into the 5th year and doing really well. Artwork being sold and/or winning awards. We all need to hang on to our dreams.

Better Today

It looks as though this will be a quicker recovery than usual. Thank goodness for small favors. Vertigo is no fun.
I can sit and type. Walking finds me bouncing off a wall just a little, so I can handle that. No room spinning so that is good.

Well, I see I just got bounced off the internet. Second time in about the last 10 minutes. Some things don't change.Have to take that back, Mom picked up the phone and "knocked me off".

Thanks Teresa, for the get better wishes. I think it helped. .

Vertigo

Woke up with it, not sure when I will get back.

The Big Ride

Today is the big ride around the bay in Corpus Christi..My spirit is there even though my body is not.

Saturday's Lesson

Coffee, from fresh ground beans, kicks starts me into the day.

I am reflecting on a piece that Dan Millman wrote. Basically he states that we cannot control our emotions. All we can control is what we do. So instead of waiting for the right "set" of emotions to show up just get with it and do. Replacing wishbone with backbone. In that light, I finished a fairly long TO DO list yesterday.

Documents I had been waiting for finally arrived yesterday in the mail and I have everything I need to do there put into motion.Yes, one foot in front of the other. It always comes back to that.

I pulled out the writing project I started back in 1991. The only thing I kept was the prologue. But it is a start.

Gone

Mom's other daughter left this morning by 7.

This was the weekend I was suppose to be in Texas riding with the scooter bunch and s.o....

Emotionally, I'm just not in good shape.

One More Day

Mom's other daughter said yesterday (or rather threatened) to leave "early"...meaning this morning instead of tomorrow morning. Whoopdedo! don't let the door hit you in the rear on the way out. She was doing this because I gave her such a cold reception AND when she had asked about Mom on the IM, I was so rude, telling her to call and find out. Guess what, I just don't become intimidated, Pisces or not..think I am rude, leave early, I don't care. She does not sit and visit with Mom for the short time she is here, either.

The truck is out of the shop and I do believe everything except one item is fixed. The one item is an intermittent sound it makes while the starter is engaging. And of course, it would not do it all the times the mechanic started it. I feel he did a good job on what was fixed and I was charged reasonably. And most important, what he said he did was actually done.

Buzz Word This A.M.

and that word is - - detachment.

The attempt - - fair.

The goal - - keeping stress to a minimum.

Mom's other daughter is doing the cooking while here. Why, you ask, because I told her I was not cooking. She told her mother that she "might as well cook while here". Only if they want to eat. The dutch ovens are staying "packed away".
I did ask if she would come for a couple of weeks so I could have a "be gone, out of here, break" and the answer was no. Why does that not surprise me?

Truck is still in the shop. The brakes I had done 6 months ago are shot.They were not adjusted properly. I know I could learn to do a lot of this stuff myself but it is having the proper tools that is so costly!
Back some time ago s.o. did a lot of my mechanic work. Was always done really good (he did not do the brakes) and was cost effective.

I am out of coffee beans so the first thing I will do when I have wheels again is procure a bag full!

The Other Daughter

I always watch for Mom's other daughter to be online as I have suspected she would make a quick visit before the weather gets too bad. I did NOT see her online yesterday and sure enough, she appeared late yesterday evening. My truck is due to go to the shop today so I can't even escape and the kicker is, she will leave Friday. Three whole days. Did not say she was coming so I can get away for a break. What a sweetheart. Excuse me, must go be sick.

Finished

Last evening I finished the Modern Three Bears story for my granddaughter. Now, to get it in the mail. It needs to be put in a folder. They are having a contest at school and she is considering taking it. I tempered the finish as it could have been too scary. (She is only 7)

Dinner turned out pretty good and today will do a kraut and pork dish in the Dutch Oven.

Also, to keep me on a schedule will get another item ready for eBay.And, if I will get back on the fitness track, I should feel better--or something!!!

The sky is rather weird this morning. No wind so still lots of gold leaves on the trees. Looks like it could be raining to the south.

What did that say?

Could not believe my eyes when I read my "horriblescope" yesterday. And it said, drum roll please....

Keep a positive attitude toward problems -- even seemingly
insoluble ones----in your personal life. Strange as it sounds,
this is the cosmos's way of helping you forge deeper bonds
of loyalty and trust.
Keep plugging away at work, bur fertilize that seed of an idea or
recent personal connection. Your life is now on an unalterable
course of expansion, so stop fighting Dame Fortune and enjoy
the ride.

Ah, enjoy the ride..Food for thought and speaking of food.....

Today will fire up a dutch oven or two and cook a turkey dinner. Should be in the 40's at start up time and finish with it close to 60.With little wind should not be to rough. May have to make a run to the grocery store. Even in this tiny town they are open for a few hours on Sunday.

Sat.

Coffee, my friend and only companion, with me on these cold, calm mornings. No wind and a temperature at 28. The sky is brightening as I type, soft rosy glow just above the treetops pushing into a pale blue color that defys a name. Would that I could slid back under the covers into a pair of arms...ah, I know what this is..a pity party!! well, I try to limit myself to 5 minutes if I am throwing myself one and TIME is up!

Re: Procrastination

I really did BOTH things I had been procrastinating about. Went and talked to the mechanic about the truck (it must be good enough to escape, even for a few days) and have an appointment for next Tues. to get some more work done; made the phone call on a problem that looks as tho it may be solved in the next month or so (it has been ongoing for about 9 months).
Much to my surprise, had listed one little item on eBay and it has sold so will be packing and mailing it today.
Still not relating well to Mom. Tried to talk to her again and she cuts me off. Find myself just not talking at all...hmmmmm...remember Dad doing that..Maybe the other thing I am to learn from all this is we do repeat reactions to our parents at the gut level even knowing better at the intellectual level.
I will finish the Modern Three Bears story that I am writing for my granddaughter to be mailed off on Monday. Somehow get back to getting some exercise and/or weight training. Had put in a good 2 months worth prior to the last trip to Texas and now, cannot get motivated again. I am sure being "let go" by s.o. on that trip has contributed to that.
Must take care of me At This Point in Time.

Headache

Woke up with a headache and rather stuffed up. Yuk. Just so the headache is from sinus and not a rise in bloodpressue. I have been trying relaxation technics to help with the stress.

It is 30 degrees out with a wind chill of 22.

Wow, just saw a hawk land in a tree that divides the "back 40". Have lots of young rabbits and squirrels around. Guess he is looking for a breakfast buffet.He is on a branch that is getting a wonderful dose of the rising sun.Maybe he already has had breakfast!

Coffee tastes extra good this morning.
Have to face up to a couple of "procrastinations" today. One of which is talking to a mechanic about the truck so guess I better get on with gettin' on once again.

A Step Back

I have been thinking too much about H lately. So trying to just let the thoughts be, then flow on through. Blocking them would not be good. Too much anger still at being here and projecting it towards Mom. Need to let it go on through also. Working on the peaceful warrior aspect of Dan Millman.

More gold on the trees this morning. They will soon be bare. I need to apply that to my life. If I am lucky, spring will be a renewal and the winter will prepare me for that renewal.

Tried to post a Blog a little while ago and there was some problem so here it goes again.

One Step Back

It seems I have been thinking about H more lately, and know that I should not dwell on those thoughts, nor block them, but just let them flow through and on. Of course, this adds to the anger I feel towards being here and Mom...hmmm, projection, is it? For my own health I need to become peaceful.

Each morning there is more gold in the trees. Soon, too soon, they will be bare. A reminder of the seasons of my own life. Even if I don't "get it right" just "get it".

Up but Not At 'Em

Geez!! Still having strange dreams. Guess the good part is did not remember this one, just that I had it.
Have been working on myself once again. Had made a decision (allbeit, a flexible one) that I would stay through the cold months...and, boy, that will have to be a day at a time. I will try to find something to do that makes me want to get up in the mornings. (besides fresh ground coffee, that is. So glad I brought my own that grinds and brews on command).

Running accross Pictures from the Past which happens fairly often, I am doing about 50/50. Ok and not so OK. Will be glad when that gets to at least 90/10..smile Had debated on putting all away but so many on the computer plus hard copies, decided to just live with it.

Just was interrupted by the phone. The gal that give me the run down on H hitting on her friend in the shop was calling. And guess what, I did not even ask if he had been around or if they had gone out. A plus for me!!!

This will be the last mowing day of the season. Have about a 3 hour job to do there plus taking Mom to the grocery store. Maybe not so much Movin' On as just Movin'.

A Holiday

Here it is, Columbus Day..no mail..not that I ever received any..but it is a high point in Mom's day..She has a very scheduled day and that keeps her on track; for day of the week and a convient placed calendar. Her short term memory is just that, short..but still doing pretty good considering her age..

Cleaned the smoker this morning. The ribs were good yesterday and just getting out was good. Some days, tho, my hermit habits really kick in..and then forcing my self to action is quite hard..

Today, the light at the end of the tunnel is still a train. So hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Life on the Farm

Received a call from the folks who are doing the farming as needed some input to what to do about storage as the current crop is probably the best ever, in the history of the farm. There are several reasons for this.

So I was invited to make some rounds on the "picker". What a change from days of old!. Air conditioned cab, 6 or 8 rows at a time, computer constantly giving moisture content, bushel per acre, and area covered. All on a downloadable chip for hard copies. Whew!!

When I returned to town, my "other"nephew was at Mom's. We had a nice visit. He seems to be more sociable than in the past. Mom, of course, wanting to know if I had been to the farm all that time.

This is my day to do the ribs. Am doing both spare and country style. I hope they come out as good as the ones I did about a month ago in Oklahoma City for my oldest's birthday.

Another Saturday to Fill

Made a return trip yesterday to get a legal form filled out and now am hearing "strange" noises from the engine. I just don't need those kinds of problems!

Went to dinner with a friend and had an enjoyable evening out of town. Food was good and the conversation better than I anticipated. Then just had to worry about making it back..Guess I will try a local mechanic this coming week.

Woke up early and tried to read. Fell back asleep and had the strangest dream. Two S. O. morphed into one, but the upshot was me still dumped..so really working on my "I'm OK and this is another great day" creation.

The sun is shinning and I have to prepare some pork ribs with rub so they will be ready to smoke tomorrow. Am suppose to take them to Lincoln to my nephews, guess that is why I am so concerned about the truck!! wish me luck.

Learning

Trying to learn how to upgrade this Blog a little.....just a tiny step at a time..think that will be my new motto for the rest of Oct.

Right on

Yesterday it was four weeks since s.o. said so long. Today and what ever days are coming will be stand up days for me. Past is past and right now is all there is. So, each day will make the right choice for myself. After all, I deserve it.

Once again

Got up early and took the truck in for new shocks. Had called last week and told them what I wanted..they put rear ones on too with out consulting me..BUT..I do not believe they put what I wanted on..I will find out tomorrow..and this guy was suppose to be honest.....

Gettin' On

Woke up and took an assesment..yep, looks as tho it's another day to make a choice. Get up and whine, or just get up and get on..Think I'll shoot for just gettin' on.

Have been writing a story that I send in installments to my granddaughter in Texas. A modern version of The Three Bears. She is wanting the third installment so I best get it finished and in the mail.

Well, well

I finally "let" my online presence be know to sis. She came charging online with all of her inane prattle and finally said the magic words.."How is Mom"..my reply was "Call and find out"..to which she asked "Are you ticked off?".."Rather," I replied..then the "your computer must be acting up, I see you are typing but nothing is showing up. Catch you later"... and POOF!, she was gone...I did have to chuckle at that.....

Time, fleeting

At this point in time, time feels so fleeting..like, I will never have a life again..Spoke to Mom about my leaving and now, suddenly, the ailments are starting.."my hip hurts where the operation was".."maybe I will get the cataract removed"..When I stated I just could not make it here, it was "yes, you can"..God, let me never attempt to push buttons on my children..

I realize as compared to a lot of people, my problems are not "serious"..there are blessings here. But this is my venue for venting..such as it is.

Can't sleep

Woke up early so went ahead and got my coffee...had a phone call from "down south" last night letting me know H had been in the shop hitting on one of the gals. Don't know if he told them we were not a couple any more, but it still hurts..'nuff said..

The Start

I finally told a friend who just called not to ask any more if I heard from H . Now, to get the kids to quit asking..maybe will find some peace..

Woke up again

to a record breaking 28 degrees..this gal has been in Texas WAY to long to suffer this way..

I am procrastinating on "doing" and that has to change. Had been good on doing some weight training prior to my last trip to Texas and just cannot get back on that horse. Of course being "dumped" while there really does not help my frame of mind. I was suppose to go back to a Cushman scooter meet with my now "former" guy friend and just having something to look forward to is gone.

Made an upside down cake in the dutch oven yesterday.

Mom seems to try and help a little more..wonder what that is about. I know she is afraid I will leave and that has to scare her but she can handle it with a little outside help from one of the agency. It sure is ironic that my sister who won't help at all made her oldest daughter promise HER that she would take care of her and never put her in a nursing home. What a crock when she won't even help with her own mother.

Too Darn Soon

A freeze warning out for tonight!! I like cooler weather but let's not get to hasty.
Had a brief thunder storm sometime during the night. Enough that I got up to unplug the computer. Certainly don't trust the surge protecter with a lightning strike. And not sure just how this old house is grounded!

A slight spell with the chest discomfort last night. I know something needs to be done.

Have the appointment for getting new shocks for midweek. Now, to instigate more action for my self. Feel like a prisoner. Can't have a conversation with Mom as you end up almost screaming. She is hard of hearing but some of it, I found out, is selective....when she doesn't want to discuss things, as in my leaving, turns her back and walks off. I refuse to do the guilt trip, no matter how hard she tries....and just where in the hell is her other daughter, anyway?????